the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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