She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
