I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
