Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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