new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
