She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Everything about him screamed your future.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
