Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
