I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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