I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
