Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
