I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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