"it" just moved
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
