my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
