I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
