we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
