It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
