Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
