i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
