so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
