No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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