I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i think my cat just said my name.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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