Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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