Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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