I faked an abortion last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
