I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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