just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
