my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize