I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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