he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
