I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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