yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My nipple is on Facebook.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
