Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize