We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
