no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He did a backflip because drugs
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