I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
