I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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