I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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