and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
