I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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