Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize