R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
