well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
