Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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