Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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