Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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