sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
