i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
