I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
