lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Come on in and take your pants off
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