I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
a search helicopter?!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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