I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
