I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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