why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
