she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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