my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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