Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
