already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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