She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
only if we run a train.
done.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize