Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
