mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
