I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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