she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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