I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
